I had an epiphany last week, one like never before. Now is a good time. I'm moving up the ladder, leaving behind once and for all the hard times I was born and nurtured in. I'm contemplating a couple of offers; offers I did not seek after but was sought for. Yet the thought occurred to me that although I'm climbing, my potential has a cap. There's a ceiling on how high I can climb without the right woman.
Although I wrestle with my religious beliefs and very publicly, I cannot escape my foundation of classical Pentecostalism and the Bible I was inundated with as a youth and seminarian. I reflect often on the creation account of Adam and Eve when considering the topic of marriage. Adam was created and placed in a garden of extravagance and beauty. He was charged with taking care of it. At some point, God determined that it was not good for Adam to be alone. Further, it was determined by deity that a suitable helper was needed for Adam to fulfill all he was charged with. At that point, Eve was created.
I'm fully aware of how the word "helper" has been stigmatized and can even be interpreted as insulting. I'm also aware of how this passage borders on anti-feminist. Even so, stick with me. It hit me last week that yes things are good and will get better. However, without the right person beside me, perhaps I'll never reach great. Adam could have continued alone but there was more to be accomplished with Eve. I find it interesting that in chapter 1 of the Genesis story, the charge to "rule" and "subdue" was given to male and female. Perhaps you can only reach that level- the level beyond taking care of a garden and actually ruling and subduing the planet- with the right one.
I believe the larger point here is that Adam could never reach that next level without Eve. In the same way I believe, based on this story (and plain old logic), that if you are married you should be accomplishing more than you could by yourself. Sadly, most married people I observe actually accomplish far less than they could alone. I find this problematic. There is obviously something wrong with a union in which one or two individuals are actually held back from reaching their full potential because of their spouse and could do better alone. That's certainly not what I'm looking for. I'm already moving toward really good, the question is who the right individual to push it to great is.
Playtime is over. I've not dated much over the past four years. I'm not terribly anxious to hit the dating scene now. I did have this epiphany though and for the first time I feel a desire to be connected to the right person, for these reasons. This is new. I'm still much unpolished in certain areas, still raw in others and unbalanced in a few more. Maybe I'll work some of that out alone; perhaps I'll need some help. I'm looking to go from good to great, playtime is indeed over.