When I was a teenager, my mother once asked me what I wanted to eat, to which I truthfully answered, "I don't know". Immediately she snapped back that women don't like an indecisive man. While it's debatable whether not knowing what I'd like to eat made me indecisive, the larger point she was trying to teach is that a man is expected to have it all together and be a rock. By implication and observation, I also learned that admitting uncertainty, doubt or weakness was unacceptable for men. Yet I somehow received the lesson that women could- and indeed were expected to- do all the above, with the support of a man.
Regardless of gender, we all need certain things- air, food and water. If we all share at least some common needs physically, is it not safe to assume that the same is true emotionally? I have a friend who adamantly maintains that her husband will never have a female secretary. Her logic? The woman in a man's life supporting him, helping him to achieve his dreams, is the woman he is most vulnerable and potentially attracted to. In other words, the woman who supports a man is the one he is most susceptible to. If such a woman is so potent a threat, it seems logical that there is something deeper to that whole support thing.
Most likely, support is a basic human need. However, I would contend that men aren't given enough of it. If not the case, why would the secretary be so threatening? It is reasonable to believe that most men- particularly those from poor or working families- are taught to be the silent rocks while little girls are taught to share and expect supportive, listening ears. As those little girls grow, they carry those lessons into their relationships.They come home from work and immediately begin to talk about which co-worker hurt their feelings, the massive project their boss just gave them and what was said to them on the subway that hurt their feelings. At the same time, they don't always stop to ask how the men in their lives are being affected by that tight deadline they're working on.
Maybe some women don't stop frequently enough to say they believe in their brother, their cousin or husband. Perhaps there are too few moments when men hear the women in their lives tell them how much they believe in them, have faith in them and appreciate their unique gifts. The need is real and the deficit is felt. The problem is, having been trained to be the silent rock, men don't often articulate it. They go to work, come home, go to bed and start the cycle all over again. Men say little, giving no indication that an emotional need is not being attended to. Some eventually check out mentally, others are enticed by the secretary.